This week I got back on track with my weight loss. I blamed vacation and life for getting me off track, but as I barreled through this week's troubles, I noticed the thing I've really been lacking is commitment.
What is commitment? Well, as I've said in prior blogs about writing...commitment is the thing that will push you to keep going when you want to quit. Commitment itself is usually inspired by a why -- Why do you want to do this?
For me, right now, it's why do you want to lose this 30 pounds? Well, the answer to my Why is that I NEED to lose 30 pounds to fit into my clothes. Sadly.
But being in possession of several FINE credit cards (LOL!) that's not really motivating me anymore. I can go to Dress Barn, or Bon Ton, or J. C. Penney any day of the week and get a new outfit. (Yeah. Go ahead and groan. I know I'm lucky...this year. God only knows what the finances will be next year.)
Still, buying a dress for the Harlequin Black and White party in New York this summer (Dear God, one of the most fun times of my life...thank you, Jenna Kernan!) I ran into something interesting.
I pulled every black dress in my new inflated size from the racks and took them into the dressing room. I tried on dress 1 and it made me look fat so I shucked it. Dress 2...same deal. Made me look fat. Dress 3 ... fat.
But an interesting thing happened. I studied dress 3 a little closer and said to myself...what if it's not the dress? What if I am fat.
That will rock you to your core.
Why? Because what I was telling myself was that I needed to create a new perception of myself...a new picture for my head. This one of an old fat woman.
Oh. No. THAT was not happening.
So though I've struggled for the first six weeks of this diet, I have that mental picture of myself in my head. There I am, in the dressing room, fat. Not pleasingly plumb. Not cute and cuddly. Not more of me to love. But fat.
The interesting thing that came with that revelation wasn't just the "Oh, crap now I don't fit into my clothes feeling." It was also the knowledge that this was a new me. And I either adjusted to the new me or I got rid of her...Nicely, of course. Through a good diet.
And that's where commitment comes in. If you want to succeed at anything, you have to figure out something that drives you even when times get hard. I can be pleasingly plump. I can be cute and cuddly. But I cannot be fat.
Now, let's see how far it drives me.