Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Grieving Your Losses

Again...this is a blog for readers. :) Writers can read it too. LOL But if you're looking for this week's writer's blog, scroll down to read a great blog by Jenna Kernan about description. Readers...Keep reading. :)

Watching TV the other day, I heard a pundit on one of the news showing talking about how to improve your life. One of the things she stressed was that we should grieve our losses.

It's funny. When we think of grief, we think of someone dying. But we all have many, many more losses in our lives.

For instance, we hope to get jobs we interview for. Sometimes we can even see ourselves in the position, and then suddenly they choose another candidate, and all those things we hoped for are gone in a puff of smoke. You can be pragmatic and say, well, that's life. But you're smarter to take an hour or so, acknowledge that you didn't get something you wanted, and make a positive statement like: I'll do better next time. Or maybe something like: The job I have provides a good salary. Maybe I'll try to make this one better. Or maybe now that I know I want to leave my present job, it's time to start looking for a new job in earnest.

But there are other things that require mourning that surprise us. Every mother has dreams for her children. When our first son was born, I had visions of him being super smart, super good looking, super successful...LOL! What mother doesn't? When he was diagnosed with a seizure disorder, those dreams began to crumble. Oh, I still hoped for him to overcome the odds, but he wasn't one of the lucky people who could.

I accepted it. We were so busy trying to organize his life and give him the best options available, some of my dreams for him were forgotten. But one day, it all came crashing back. I remembered how I'd envisioned him. Watching him go off to college. Watching him get his degree, find a girlfriend, get his first job. I remembered hoping for grandkids. Seeing him become a dad. Sharing all that with him.

And I realized it was like that guy I'd envisioned had died. Almost as if he were a second person. And I had to grieve him -- and all the losses associated with him.

We're so stoic, so determined to plow our way through life, to make the best of things, to have the best life we can ... and there's nothing wrong with that. But we sometimes need to be kind to ourselves, to see our losses, to grieve them. And to still move on, but this time a little kinder to ourselves.

Happy Reading



kris said...

Susan, I have had to go through a similar step in the grieving/acceptance process with my daughter just this week. I really, really needed your insightful words the last few days. Thank you for the reminders and the permission and the understanding.

Susan said...

It's always difficult.

But it makes it doable, when you realize you're not alone.